Science of Smut Blog-O-The-Day!!!

Hey hey consumers of da smut fantastic, here's the SoS Blog-O-The-Day!

It's from my fellow stylista and fashion crusader friend, The Starving Stylist!!!

Now Gurl LOOOOOVES his labels, and Gurl KNOWS his fashion, so he be tellin you STRAIGHT TO YO FACE about your poor choices in clothes and accessories (you can't hide... we can smell if you've been sportin' those stank-ass Crocs while out in public), and he be tellin you about what you SHOULD be wearing.

PREACH!!!

The Starving Stylist

F is for Friday! F-ING FANTASTIC!

Hey hey, y'all. I'm just happy to report that I've made it through another week! Yippee! Now that the mighty dustcloud surrounding the whole American Idol "shocker" has somewhat settled down, another pop-juggernaut from the Idol machine has wasted no time and has hit the road running. Yes, it's officially "So You Think You Can Dance?" time again. But I committed a pop-smutling crime... I didn't watch it last night! Now I know what you're thinking..."OMG?!? Like, WTF, Jay?!? Who is gonna explain to me the crazy that SYTYCD brings?!?". Well fear not! I've taped that puppy using my handy-dandy PVR, silly monkeys! I'll get back to the crazy as soon as I've indulged in some heftily-choreographed reality show smut. And I'll deliver! Trust.

(For those who are wondering WHY I committed such a pop-cultch violation, I was having a lovely dinner date last night... and NO, I won't go into the details! I love the gossip as much as y'all do, but my biznass is MY BIZNASS. A gurl's gotta keep some of her secrets secret, mmm kay? It's part of the allure that is Jay...)

Anywhoo, gotta check my email. Will be back with my SeXXXy Gadget Du Jour! Woot woot!

Luv ya, smutlings!

MasterJay

Starting the Long Weekend off right: with LAZINESS!

Hey hey hey Smut Students!

Well, it's officially the May Long Weekend up here in Canada (for those of you internationally inclined, there's a long weekend in May to celebrate Victoria Day... Queen Victoria... not Vicki Beckham. But maybe they should change that? Hmm...) and I'm just loungin' like a sloth at my dad's house. Yep. FAT-ASS LAZY. Being cooped up in my apartment for 4 days with some swine flu "unknown illness" just made me really sick (har har) of my place, so it's nice to just chill in a big house with my fam's pets (two fluffy pomeranians and a cat), watching garbage TV (yeah, yeah, I'm guilty of watching "Ghost Whisperer" last night. Ugh. The shame...) and movies and reading flyers. Ooh, Liquid Tide and Bounce are on sale at Shoppers Drug Mart for 5.49 each!...

Well according to a friend of mine from my high school days o' yore, Rhiannon, last night's Fleetwood Mac show was AMAZING! (No surprise there! They're LEGENDS). I'm just glad Stevie's the band's healthy and charging ahead with their tour. HERE'S TO GOOD MUSIC, Y'ALL!!!

To you Fleetwood Mac fans, I'll post a clip of last night's show in just a bit!

Now to charge up your smutty-senses, here's a spicy example of when music takes a detour towards the bad part of town... it's a karaoke rendition of Mariah's "Touch My Body", but by a flamboyant Korean boy! OOH, SMUT-TASTIC!

TUTS MY BARREH!!!



Happy long weekend, smutties!

MasterJay

To the curb, illness! This boy's gotta WORK!

Hey hey, smutty-minions, I'm baaaaack! Well, sorry for the late post, but it's been a real gong-show at work. Yep, I've kinda gotten over this stupid illness and gotten my virally-smitten butt back to work. Thank gawd for the painkillers. Gotta love the meds. After reading a gajillion emails and clearing a bunch that I hadn't deleted, it was time to work some scientific magic and pull a crazy report out of thin air. But somehow things are getting done. Well, mama's gonna WORK... and how's she gonna do it? She's gonna work HARD!

Anywhoo, back to this report. I'll post some smutty tidbits up soon. Stay tuned!

MasterJay

Smut Vocabulary 101 - WHORELICIOUS

So I was just chatting to a friend of mine in NYC, and he read my posting about Holly Valance, and was ROFL at the sight of the word "whorelicious". So yes, this word may have you puzzled, but let me define this word, and put it in the proper context so that you may use this word properly, as it was intended.

whorelicious (adjective):1) The state of whoredom (see also: skankiness) that provides the ultimate satisfaction to the desires of the whore whilst providing ultimate entertainment value and enjoyment to the people witnessing her sinful acts. Can also apply to a whore of the opposite sex (see: manwhore). 2) The state of whoredom that can be likened to being delicious or tasty.

Example: "Gurl, that was the skankiest video I've seen so far! That Jessica Simpson chick washing that car was so dirty... it was like she was loving it! But seriously, it was fantastic! Absolutely whorelicious!"


Any questions? I'll be available for office hours after class.


Class dismissed, y'all!

Oh the pain... the pain...

Hey Pop-smut students,

So I woke up today with a pounding headache... surprise, surprise. Illness does suck. But then I thought, "Hey, cheer up Jay, at least you're headache is not from a night of heavy binge drinking and doing hard drugs in a grungy bathroom stall at the bar!". But then that just made me kinda depressed. Who wouldn't want a crazy night out, livin' la vida Lohan? Oh yeah, the addiction factor. Bummer.

But here's to popping more painkillers! So, in an over-the-counter salute to her HIGHness, Princess Paula Abdul, I pop two extra-strength Tylenol chased with cranberry cocktail. Life is better already!

So here's another daily serving of addictive behaviour, but with less side effects! (Watch out for that bloated feeling though. Ya might wanna take some Tums for that...)

Happy smut studying!

MasterJay

Starting classes off right... with painkillers!

Hey bitches, it's Jay here. Right now I'm sitting at home, somewhat ill, battling this weird illness for the past three days. So far, I've been feeling like Tina Turner in that scene from "What's Love Got to Do With It" where Ike is feeding her birthday cake after he beat the living daylights out of her. Yeah, I feel like shit. So much tears, so much pain. And NO, it AIN'T no swine flu... but in a weird way, it would've been cool to have gotten H1N1. Not only would you get time off, but you'd probably lose 10 pounds without lifting a finger AND you'd get bragging rights that you actually HAD the dreaded influenza porcina. Talk about instant celebrity in my small, inner circle! NOTORIETY at its FINEST! 

So sad to liken a flu pandemic with achieving famewhoredom. Ugh.

So yeah, lemme finish chasing these Tylenol with some orange juice... okay, mama's ready...

Now for those who know me personally, some (i.e. all of you) have been pushing me to start a blog, so here it is! Now I won't have to BOMBARD y'all with my somewhat lengthy (but highLARIOUS) emails no more. Oh no! I'll just send you to this blog right here! 

I hereby present to you, my students: SCIENCE OF SMUT!

So why, Jay, have you entitled your blog "science of smut"? WELL, lemme tell you! TEACH!!! This is a chance to educate y'all about all the complex, inner workings of the pop-culture universe. It's like Pop Culture 101 for those who want to learn about the craziness that makes our social world tick. From TV, to film, to music, to fashion, to gadgets, to video games, to fads and crazes that arise out of the jungle of capitalism... all of these fall under the broad category that many of us pop culture junkies like to call "SMUT". Yep, so shameful, yet so addictive and TASTY that you can't get enough of it. Let me put it in simple terms: a single serving of Smut-Culture =0 calories, but with all the flavour and guilt of a double quarter pounder with all the fixins, deep fried in beef lard and dunked in maple syrup, dusted off with icing sugar and topped with chocolate chips, sprinkles and french vanilla ice cream. MMMMMMmmmmmm! I know y'all want a taste of that deep fried goodness, dont'cha? 

So stay tuned, y'all. Better hit the books and get studying... cuz you're gonna get schooled! PREPARE TO LEARN!!!

Master Jay