Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Starting classes off right... with painkillers!

Hey bitches, it's Jay here. Right now I'm sitting at home, somewhat ill, battling this weird illness for the past three days. So far, I've been feeling like Tina Turner in that scene from "What's Love Got to Do With It" where Ike is feeding her birthday cake after he beat the living daylights out of her. Yeah, I feel like shit. So much tears, so much pain. And NO, it AIN'T no swine flu... but in a weird way, it would've been cool to have gotten H1N1. Not only would you get time off, but you'd probably lose 10 pounds without lifting a finger AND you'd get bragging rights that you actually HAD the dreaded influenza porcina. Talk about instant celebrity in my small, inner circle! NOTORIETY at its FINEST! 

So sad to liken a flu pandemic with achieving famewhoredom. Ugh.

So yeah, lemme finish chasing these Tylenol with some orange juice... okay, mama's ready...

Now for those who know me personally, some (i.e. all of you) have been pushing me to start a blog, so here it is! Now I won't have to BOMBARD y'all with my somewhat lengthy (but highLARIOUS) emails no more. Oh no! I'll just send you to this blog right here! 

I hereby present to you, my students: SCIENCE OF SMUT!

So why, Jay, have you entitled your blog "science of smut"? WELL, lemme tell you! TEACH!!! This is a chance to educate y'all about all the complex, inner workings of the pop-culture universe. It's like Pop Culture 101 for those who want to learn about the craziness that makes our social world tick. From TV, to film, to music, to fashion, to gadgets, to video games, to fads and crazes that arise out of the jungle of capitalism... all of these fall under the broad category that many of us pop culture junkies like to call "SMUT". Yep, so shameful, yet so addictive and TASTY that you can't get enough of it. Let me put it in simple terms: a single serving of Smut-Culture =0 calories, but with all the flavour and guilt of a double quarter pounder with all the fixins, deep fried in beef lard and dunked in maple syrup, dusted off with icing sugar and topped with chocolate chips, sprinkles and french vanilla ice cream. MMMMMMmmmmmm! I know y'all want a taste of that deep fried goodness, dont'cha? 

So stay tuned, y'all. Better hit the books and get studying... cuz you're gonna get schooled! PREPARE TO LEARN!!!

Master Jay

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