Wednesday is for Song and Dance!!!

Hey hey smutlings! Sorry for no blog post yesterday... it's been a craaaazy week at work. I know, I know, no excuses... sowwwwy :(

Anywhoo, I'm just watching So You Think You Can Dance right now, and the crazies have already showed up. So far, quirky, bendy Tony does some weird fumbly number to Footloose, and not only is he told that his performance was "baaaaaaaaaaa-aaaa-aaaaad" by Tyce Diorio, he passes out from exhaustion and is tended to by medics! YESSSSSSS!!! You can't PAY for this shit if you tried!

But speaking of all things artsy, tonight there's a documentary on the making of the FANTASTIC new Tony-award winning Broadway musical, "IN THE HEIGHTS" on PBS! (Check your local listings, yo!). Definitely one of my favourite Broadway shows! Not only did I have the pleasure of seeing this amazing latinolicious show in January, I even got to meet the composer/star of In The Heights, Lin-Manuel Miranda! It was like a dream come true for me...such an inspiration. He is such an awesome person, and such an amazing talent... goes to show that with hard work and determination, dreams do come true.

WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY, AND GO TO NYC AND WATCH THIS SHOW!!!

Click HERE to go to the PBS Great Performances website!

Here's the trailer for the documentary, In The Heights: Chasing Broadway Dreams



Check out the official website for IN THE HEIGHTS! (Click on the banner below!)

I'm having a Susan- F*CKING-Boyle moment...

Bonjour, smut-monchichis! Just reporting back on the events of the weekend. Well, the Pam Ann show was OFF DA HOOK in the laughs department. It definitely kept the gals and the gays rollin' in stitches in the aisles. Watching the show from the front row was extra special, especially since she dubbed the first two rows as "first class". Hehe. But definitely, if Pam arrives in your city, you definitely need to purchase a ticket to fly aboard her AirBus of laughs.

But TODAY, I got to check out the regional production of Les Miserables put on by the Arts Club Theatre at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage... a production that I affectionately call "Les Miz Lite". LOL. But all joking aside, they did an amazing job of this Broadway juggernaut on such a small stage... The production value was top notch high. The actors were well casted. Two standouts though: the dudes who play Inspector Javert and Enjolras... AMAZING. And the guy who played Mr. 24601, aka. Jean Valjean, had nice vocals... he definitely brought it home with his rendition of, you guessed it, Bring Him Home.

Now all positivity aside, you know I'm gonna hone in on the flaws... Shut up, you LOVE it, smutlings! LOL. But to tell you the truth, I only have two major ones... well, maybe two and a half. ;-) One gripe I really had with the production was that due to space constraints, the music was piped in over the loudspeakers from the orchestra musicians making sweet, sweet muziks in an unused store room in the back of the theatre. I remember having this problem when they did the same thing with their previous staging of the other Schonberg/Boublil mega-musical, Miss Saigon, a few years back. The sound was very tin-can sounding, like it was playing from those cheap, white iPod earbuds an AM radio somewhere backstage, and at times it competed with the miked vocals, which made it hard to hear what the actors were sing-speaking. Not so great when you need HUGE sounding orchestrations highlighting the dramatic moments of the show. But the rousing ensemble performances, with their voices soaring to great heights during the more dramatic showstopping moments, made up for the craptacular acoustics of the piped-in orchestrations.

The other mini-fail is what I like to refer as the "Arts Club requisite End of Act Two cheesy special effect moment". If any of y'all saw their mounting of Disney's Beauty and the Beast and recall the transformation scene, you know what I'm talking about... yeah, absolute fromage that REEKED! PEEEEEEE UUUUUU, that was bad! Now without spoiling what it was in this show... let's just say it involves Javert somehow... and like Javert's fate, you know it ain't pretty...

(The half gripe I had was with Eponine. She could hit the notes, but she was a bit too squeaky for my taste. As in mouse-squeaky. Now Cosette, on the other hand... her voice was IMMACULATE! GORGEOUS! Now gurls, based on pristine vocal ability, you can see why Marius picked Cosette over Eponine... well, besides being a hotter piece of ass prettier than Eponine. Plus Cosette had money, whereas Eponine was broke-ass. Yep, you do the math. You know it's true.)

But yeah, go see the show. See it to support a great cast, and to support local theatre. See it cuz you'll actually hear that f*cking overplayed Susan Boyle song that has been smeared all over the interweb in its theatrical context, and you may shed a tear or two. Or you might just laugh at the cheesetastic end-of-Act-Two special effect moment (I know we all did! HAHA!) or at the musical meloDRAMA-lama that only Schonberg and Boublil can dish out on stage! Much fun for all!

Click HERE to buy tickets for Les Miz, or for any of the Arts Club shows!

Alas, how I wish my life were a musical... But life has killed the dream I dreamed. Ugh.

Adieu for now, mes amis!

Master(of the house)Jay

Kris Allan = The Taylor Hicks of 2009

Hey hey, smutlings! So did you catch the Idol-o-rama lovefest last night? Of course you did, you addicts!

Now as everyone knows, the underwhelming underdog overtook the drama queen last night. Surprising? Kind of, but not really. As I predicted. That's what America is like. For us who are internationally inclined, let's translate this into simple American logic, shall we? You see, in America, Different = THREATENING. They're not gonna pick the gay sexually ambiguous glam rocker to be the American Idol. Oh hells no! So was Kris Allan deserving of the title of "American Idol 2009". No way, not by a long shot. Is he talented? Of course. There's no denying Allan's artistry. But in terms of performance and vocal ability, and just overall entertainment value, Adam deserved that title. Hands down. Gurl worked it all season! Kris is too bland to wear such a heavy crown, and besides, that crown is too sparkly... it wouldn't match his wardrobe no matter how well his stylists try to dress him.

Anywhoo, my thoughts about the show? Overall, it was entertaining. Much more so than previous years. However, they need to cut that shit down to ONE HOUR. The first 45 minutes was as boring as hell! Who needs to hear from Mikalah Gordon reporting from the Kris Allan lovefest in Conway, Arkansas?!? Um, not me! Nor does the rest of America and the rest of the world! The Idol group numbers were craptacular as always... the title of their first number "So What" summed it up best. And there were thirteen?!? Gawd, how we quickly forgotten. Over half of them up on that stage I didn't give two hoots about. At all.

But there were definitely HIGHlights amidst the drivel. Less Paula = more entertainment! WOW! Who would've thunk it. And the blind guy Scott McIntyre didn't have a solo! Whoa, was that discrimination?!? Nope, just a wise choice for the sake of entertainment. I don't think I could've taken hearing another bland vocal rendition from him. The return of Norman Gentle and Bikini Girl was fun, especially Bikini Girl's blatant boob job that Seacrest pointed out rather bluntly, and the Kara DioGuardi sing-off that ensued, with Kara pummeling that bimbette vocally to the ground and then flashing off her somewhat bangin' bod at the end of the song (for "charity", of course. Girl, you got a flat stomach! SHOW IT OFF! Don't use charity to justify showing off your assets! If you got it, flaunt it, no matter how much it costed ya!). And the whole Tatiana Del Toro appearance was totally staged, even though Seacrest tried hard to make it seem like an awkward, random "steal the spotlight cuz I'm f*cking Tatiana Del Toro-I-don't-have-to-sleep-with-anyone-to-get-my-CD-out-cuz-I'm-a-damn-good-vocalist" moment. Allison and Cyndi Lauper was a treat to watch, however the shriekfest with Megan Joy and Michael Sarver with Steve Martin on banjo was an awkward folk disaster. Speaking of awkward, what was up with the Gokey's performance with Lionel Richie?!? It was like Gokey didn't know when or where he should sing! Plus Gokey should NOT wear such tight jeans. He's too middle-aged looking for the slim fits, even if they do say "Levis" on them. Fire that stylist who exposed our retinas to such a fashion atrocity!!!

And the GLAMBERT! Guuuuuurl, those were some mighty fierce shoulder cages! And those shoes! Adam definitely brought the ferocity last night. And his number with KISS?!? GLAMTASTIC! It was so entertaining, I had to use a whole roll of extra-strength Bounty to mop up the drool that poured out of my gaping mouth. Now the duet with Adam and Kris on "We Are The Champions" (with Queen actually rocking out with them)was great, only because Adam sang CIRCLES around Kris! Adam OWNED that song and that moment, whereas Kris served as his lowly lacklustre backup singer.

Then came the coronation moment. Kris was announced as the winner of AI 2009. Adam smiles and politely sashays stage right. Kris is aghast at the announcement, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is that the title should be Adam's! EVEN HE REALIZED THAT HE WAS NOT WORTHY! But the damage has been done, America. Just as you voted TWICE for a lame-ass president who flushed your country down the crapper, you voted for the most lacklustre Idol winner in all eight seasons that this pop-monster has been broadcast over the airwaves. That's why I dub Kris Allan as this year's Taylor Hicks. But that's an overstatement, cuz at least Taylor had this quirky "soul patrol" persona (which I still don't understand) that he brought to the Idol stage. But like Taylor, Kris' Idol reign will soon fade. Kris will fill his niche of adult contempo radio stations nationwide before fading into obscurity, whereas Adam will be selling out stadiums and performing to grand aplomb...with rhinestones! And pyro! LOTS OF PYRO!!!

Soak in that glittery confetti and shower of fireworks, Kris Allan fans, cuz that's all you'll get when it comes to whiz-bang spectacles. Kiss those goodbye when Kris comes to perform in a city near you post-Idol tour!

But yet, Adam, in his loss, is shown smiling with glee... at least he doesn't have to have that craptacular Kara song "No Boundaries" as his first single! And that's a HUGE reason to smile about!

VIVA GLAMbert!

Hey hey scouts of smut, now did y'all watch the absolutely cheesetacular final showdown on American Idol last night?!? DROOLWORTHY!

Now I'm gonna keep it short 'n sweet. ROLL RECAP!

ROUND ONE: Fave Idol Performance

Adam Lambert went first: Did repeat performance of "Mad World". Dramatic elevator entrance with long trenchcoat and lots of smoke... ooh, vampish! Theatrics = 10/10, Vocals = not as chilling as the first time he did it, but great (9/10?). Overall effect = Stage diva. LOVED IT!

Kris Allan next. Repeat performance of "Ain't No Sunshine". His keyboard skills + buttery vocals = great performance. Simon declares this round goes to Kris. Overall effect = 10/10

ROUND TWO: (Idol creator) Simon Fuller's choice

Adam: Cover of Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come". Moving and vunerable with mad, crazy vocals. It was like he was singing it for all the gays! All we needed was some gay flags and some crying drag queens in the corner of the stage. But overall, very moving. 10/10. Paula is incoherent as always... but bangin' in that green dress! GO VODKA AND VICODIN!!! WOOOO!!!

Kris: Cover of "What's Goin' On?". Kris jams with some musicians in this indie-rock jamboree session. Simon thought it was boring. We all did, too. Overall, good, but boring. MINI FAIL. (6/10)

ROUND THREE: The requisite Idol song...

And here comes "No Boundaries". Surprise, surprise, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote this song... and it SUCKED!!! ABSOLUTELY THE WORST IDOL SONG IN THE HISTORY OF IDOL. HURRICANES?!? WTF, KARA?!? COMPLETELY SHITEOUS!!!

Adam: Tried what he could. Infused his shrill, mad vocals into it. Couldn't save the tragedy of this song. A valiant effort. Simon told him that he is a world-class star, and hints to America that he should win AI this year.

Kris: The song consumed him, he flubbed a line, he couldn't hit the high notes, but yet the song suited his voice better. Weird. When you f-up a song that bad and it made you sound good? That's a bad song! Wait, that's GENIUS! (Kris is thanking Kara and Co as we speak!). Anyway, the judges congratulated him on his effort. Really, they were telling America in a subtle way that Kris deserves 2nd place.

Now who will win? Who knows? Will Adam ride in on a fabulous cloud of stage smoke amidst a rainshower of glittery confetti to claim his Idol crown like a true prom queen? Or will middle America rear its mighty conservative head and declare Kris the bland but dependable keeper of the title of American Idol 2009?

BTW, gotta love the occasional pans to the Idol loser holding pen. The looks on their faces = priceless! And epic fail to Carrie Underwood. I absolutely HATED her delivery of the Idol farewell song. "I'm on my WEEE-EH-EH"... puhleaze! Spare our ears from this atrocity. Plus she seemed like an arrogant C U next Tuesday up there. Ah, how fame can make you a scary, cold country biatch... I wonder how many people she bitched out in order to get her microphone bedazzled?

But back to the competition, I'm thinking Kris will win cuz America is f-d up like that, but in my heart I want the diva to win... Thoughts?!?

Free music from Coldplay!

Hey hey smut addicts! You wanna da free Coldplay? Well, to coincide with the start of their North American tour, Coldplay is giving away a CD copy of their new live album, entitled "LeftRightLeftRightLeft" at all their live shows in 2009 (apart from festival shows) as a "thank you" to their fans! But what if you can't go see their show due to *insert reason here* ??!? What's a Coldplay fan to do?!?

WELL! Lemme tell you! You can download it FREE from coldplay.com up until Coldplay plays their last gig in 2009!

Click here to get your free fill of Coldplay!

Here's the tracklisting: