I'm having a Susan- F*CKING-Boyle moment...

Bonjour, smut-monchichis! Just reporting back on the events of the weekend. Well, the Pam Ann show was OFF DA HOOK in the laughs department. It definitely kept the gals and the gays rollin' in stitches in the aisles. Watching the show from the front row was extra special, especially since she dubbed the first two rows as "first class". Hehe. But definitely, if Pam arrives in your city, you definitely need to purchase a ticket to fly aboard her AirBus of laughs.

But TODAY, I got to check out the regional production of Les Miserables put on by the Arts Club Theatre at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage... a production that I affectionately call "Les Miz Lite". LOL. But all joking aside, they did an amazing job of this Broadway juggernaut on such a small stage... The production value was top notch high. The actors were well casted. Two standouts though: the dudes who play Inspector Javert and Enjolras... AMAZING. And the guy who played Mr. 24601, aka. Jean Valjean, had nice vocals... he definitely brought it home with his rendition of, you guessed it, Bring Him Home.

Now all positivity aside, you know I'm gonna hone in on the flaws... Shut up, you LOVE it, smutlings! LOL. But to tell you the truth, I only have two major ones... well, maybe two and a half. ;-) One gripe I really had with the production was that due to space constraints, the music was piped in over the loudspeakers from the orchestra musicians making sweet, sweet muziks in an unused store room in the back of the theatre. I remember having this problem when they did the same thing with their previous staging of the other Schonberg/Boublil mega-musical, Miss Saigon, a few years back. The sound was very tin-can sounding, like it was playing from those cheap, white iPod earbuds an AM radio somewhere backstage, and at times it competed with the miked vocals, which made it hard to hear what the actors were sing-speaking. Not so great when you need HUGE sounding orchestrations highlighting the dramatic moments of the show. But the rousing ensemble performances, with their voices soaring to great heights during the more dramatic showstopping moments, made up for the craptacular acoustics of the piped-in orchestrations.

The other mini-fail is what I like to refer as the "Arts Club requisite End of Act Two cheesy special effect moment". If any of y'all saw their mounting of Disney's Beauty and the Beast and recall the transformation scene, you know what I'm talking about... yeah, absolute fromage that REEKED! PEEEEEEE UUUUUU, that was bad! Now without spoiling what it was in this show... let's just say it involves Javert somehow... and like Javert's fate, you know it ain't pretty...

(The half gripe I had was with Eponine. She could hit the notes, but she was a bit too squeaky for my taste. As in mouse-squeaky. Now Cosette, on the other hand... her voice was IMMACULATE! GORGEOUS! Now gurls, based on pristine vocal ability, you can see why Marius picked Cosette over Eponine... well, besides being a hotter piece of ass prettier than Eponine. Plus Cosette had money, whereas Eponine was broke-ass. Yep, you do the math. You know it's true.)

But yeah, go see the show. See it to support a great cast, and to support local theatre. See it cuz you'll actually hear that f*cking overplayed Susan Boyle song that has been smeared all over the interweb in its theatrical context, and you may shed a tear or two. Or you might just laugh at the cheesetastic end-of-Act-Two special effect moment (I know we all did! HAHA!) or at the musical meloDRAMA-lama that only Schonberg and Boublil can dish out on stage! Much fun for all!

Click HERE to buy tickets for Les Miz, or for any of the Arts Club shows!

Alas, how I wish my life were a musical... But life has killed the dream I dreamed. Ugh.

Adieu for now, mes amis!

Master(of the house)Jay

VIVA GLAMbert!

Hey hey scouts of smut, now did y'all watch the absolutely cheesetacular final showdown on American Idol last night?!? DROOLWORTHY!

Now I'm gonna keep it short 'n sweet. ROLL RECAP!

ROUND ONE: Fave Idol Performance

Adam Lambert went first: Did repeat performance of "Mad World". Dramatic elevator entrance with long trenchcoat and lots of smoke... ooh, vampish! Theatrics = 10/10, Vocals = not as chilling as the first time he did it, but great (9/10?). Overall effect = Stage diva. LOVED IT!

Kris Allan next. Repeat performance of "Ain't No Sunshine". His keyboard skills + buttery vocals = great performance. Simon declares this round goes to Kris. Overall effect = 10/10

ROUND TWO: (Idol creator) Simon Fuller's choice

Adam: Cover of Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come". Moving and vunerable with mad, crazy vocals. It was like he was singing it for all the gays! All we needed was some gay flags and some crying drag queens in the corner of the stage. But overall, very moving. 10/10. Paula is incoherent as always... but bangin' in that green dress! GO VODKA AND VICODIN!!! WOOOO!!!

Kris: Cover of "What's Goin' On?". Kris jams with some musicians in this indie-rock jamboree session. Simon thought it was boring. We all did, too. Overall, good, but boring. MINI FAIL. (6/10)

ROUND THREE: The requisite Idol song...

And here comes "No Boundaries". Surprise, surprise, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote this song... and it SUCKED!!! ABSOLUTELY THE WORST IDOL SONG IN THE HISTORY OF IDOL. HURRICANES?!? WTF, KARA?!? COMPLETELY SHITEOUS!!!

Adam: Tried what he could. Infused his shrill, mad vocals into it. Couldn't save the tragedy of this song. A valiant effort. Simon told him that he is a world-class star, and hints to America that he should win AI this year.

Kris: The song consumed him, he flubbed a line, he couldn't hit the high notes, but yet the song suited his voice better. Weird. When you f-up a song that bad and it made you sound good? That's a bad song! Wait, that's GENIUS! (Kris is thanking Kara and Co as we speak!). Anyway, the judges congratulated him on his effort. Really, they were telling America in a subtle way that Kris deserves 2nd place.

Now who will win? Who knows? Will Adam ride in on a fabulous cloud of stage smoke amidst a rainshower of glittery confetti to claim his Idol crown like a true prom queen? Or will middle America rear its mighty conservative head and declare Kris the bland but dependable keeper of the title of American Idol 2009?

BTW, gotta love the occasional pans to the Idol loser holding pen. The looks on their faces = priceless! And epic fail to Carrie Underwood. I absolutely HATED her delivery of the Idol farewell song. "I'm on my WEEE-EH-EH"... puhleaze! Spare our ears from this atrocity. Plus she seemed like an arrogant C U next Tuesday up there. Ah, how fame can make you a scary, cold country biatch... I wonder how many people she bitched out in order to get her microphone bedazzled?

But back to the competition, I'm thinking Kris will win cuz America is f-d up like that, but in my heart I want the diva to win... Thoughts?!?

And you thought Idol was cheesy!

Hey smutlings... I've just been watching the finals for the Eurovision 2009 song contest. What's Eurovision, you ask? WELL! It's this song contest where each european country submits a song entry and the people of Europa vote for the winner. Simple, no? Cheesy? ABSOLUTELY!!!

Burlesque queen Deeta Von Teese performed as part of Germany's entry "Miss Kiss Kiss Bang". Her bod was banging, the song and overall performance, not so fagtacular. Could've been gayer. Bummer.

Here's the link for the Eurovision song contest. You could prolly still catch the last bit of the finals if you're quick enough! Watch cheesy Euro-pop trash history in the making!

http://www.eurovision.tv/

*** UPDATE*** NORWAY just won the Eurovision song contest! Alexander Rybak's "Fairytale" was the winning song! Here's Alexander! SEXXXAY! :P

Pure POLIDENTertainment: The Mac in Vancouver!

Hope y'all cleaned off your dentures... as I promised, here's some clips of last night's Fleetwood Mac show! They're influenza-free and they put on a great show, from the looks of it!

Why does my back ache all of a sudden? Hmm...

Enjoy "Go Your Own Way"!




And here's their encore: Don't Stop!

Free music from Coldplay!

Hey hey smut addicts! You wanna da free Coldplay? Well, to coincide with the start of their North American tour, Coldplay is giving away a CD copy of their new live album, entitled "LeftRightLeftRightLeft" at all their live shows in 2009 (apart from festival shows) as a "thank you" to their fans! But what if you can't go see their show due to *insert reason here* ??!? What's a Coldplay fan to do?!?

WELL! Lemme tell you! You can download it FREE from coldplay.com up until Coldplay plays their last gig in 2009!

Click here to get your free fill of Coldplay!

Here's the tracklisting: