Sunday, May 17, 2009

Getting lost in Wally World...

Hey hey, smut-addicts! Sorry for the late post. I spent the day in South Surrey shopping and hanging out like the consumer-whore that I am. Ugh.

So yeah, for those of you in Vancity, there's a little bastion of shopping that has sprung up just off of 160th St and 24th Ave in South Surrey... and I shat you not, the stores are FRIGGIN GOOD!

Well, except for H&M. I was not prepared for the lameness that lay before me when I entered that atrocity of a store. The layout: horrible. The selection: anemic. It's not even worth your time to set foot in that waste of space. Ugh. It made the Wal-Mart Supercentre across the street seem like a godsend... and that's saying a lot. (I'll get to my Wally World experience in just a bit... Hang tight, kitties!)

Besides all the designer boutiques, the store you have to check out there is definitely the huge Indigo bookstore. GORGEOUS! The layout: PRISTINE. Selection: FANTASTIC. It made me feel good about myself that I was spending part of my holidays buying literary material.

Now who am I kidding... after oggling the hawt models in some magazines, I walked outta there empty handed. But I still felt GOOD about being there. Thanks, store designers! ;-)

So yeah, after stuffing my face with a pulled pork sandwich at Memphis Blues (guilty as charged), I decided to give the Wal-Mart Supercentre a go. WHOA, talk about SUPER SCARY! God I felt lost in that cavernous space. It was hard to get my bearings. I just wanted to buy some body wash and moisturizer for my face, damnit! Why do I have to walk two city blocks just to find these items?!? I was nearly in tears... I wanted my mommy.

But as huge and over-capitalistic as that place was, I F*CKIN LOVED it... Shameful, I know. Everything was literally under one roof. EVERYTHING. It was so shoptastically disgusting... I could see why North America suffers from an obesity problem... you might as well pick up a couple of boxes of Viva Puffs for $2 and chocolate malt balls for $1.50 since you're already there buying oil for your truck, Nair to burn off that pesky back hair, and that 46" plasma TV you've been eyeing. Hell, throw in a week's worth of groceries and an entire wardrobe to feed and clothe your illegit children! You can't beat those rollback prices!

Wal-Mart Supercentre = The Shangri-la of consumer smut.

And as huge as that store was, there weren't enough tellers to keep up with the number of people buying crap. Even the "self checkout" tellers (which I had the misfortune of wrangling with. EPIC FAIL) had a lineup! WTF, Wal-Mart?!? You sell SO MUCH SHIT, could you at least put a couple hundred more checkout counters in that football stadium of a store? Thanks.

F*ck you, Wal-Mart.

(But yet, as much as I loathe you, Wal-Mart, I f*ckin wanna have disgustingly dirty monkey sex with you. Ooh, yeah, Wal-Mart... you're so dirty...daddy likes that...)

Enjoy the rest of the long weekend, smutlings. I'm just gonna enjoy these $1.50 O-Henry bites along with a bowl of brown sugar Mini-Wheats (which were $2.97 by the way). The shame...

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