Friday, December 18, 2009

GaGa + manHO Tiger + battle o' local theatre + expen$ive Olympic $hizz = HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Photo courtesy of Darryl Dyck/Canadian Press


Hey hey hey, smutlings, it's ME!!! So yeah, LOTS has happened over the past week and a bit. I'm settling into my new job very well, and I've become permanent! WOOT! AND I JUST GOT PAID, BITCHES!!! Time to spend my moneys on booze and pointless shit like tickets to see AVATAR something special for myself, cuz I DESERVE IT!

Now last week was officially Lady GaGa week (a.k.a. Fagapalooza 2009), where the Queen of the Disco Stick performed not one, not two, but THREE SOLD OUT SHOWS at the newly renovated Queen Elizabeth Theatre here in Vancouver (btw, FABOO reno on the QE Theatre!). And thanks to my friend Ritchie, we had AMAAAAAZING seats. Now what did I think of the show? FANTASTIC. Was it the perfect pop spectacle? No. Not even close. There were somewhat budget costume choices and the transitions between songs could've been quicker (shorten those video clips, GaGa!), but guuuuuurl, did she DELIVER! She is such a performer. She delivered her signature bizarre Gaga-ness with much aplomb and bombast spectacle that only she can provide to satisfy our thirst for pop-smutness. The definite highlight of the show was her emotional acoustic performances of Speechless and Poker Face on the piano. I was moved to tears.

So, to comemorate the occasion, here's a pic o'GaGa wielding her disco stick that we took using Ritchie's camera! FABOOSH!


Now, what's UP with Tiger Woods?!?! Everyday it seems like his ho-bag (i.e. mistress) count keeps climbing faster than a Mariah Carey song on the Billboard Top 100 chart (and we know Mimi hasn't been climbing that chart very well these days...gurl needs a hit, BAD! I guess she's been busy climbing Nick Cannon's manpole. tee hee). Whoa, how his squeaky-clean image has been tarnished. TASTY!!! Aren't y'all eating this up?!? Sponsorship deals being dropped, Tiger on hiatus from the PGA Tour... what's next in this Tiger trainwreck? Yep, DIVORCE is iminent. MEGA SMUT-TASTY!!! GIVE US MORE TIGERDRAMA!!!

So I've also been fortunate enough to check out two musicals produced locally here in Vancouver. The first was "Irving Berlin's White Christmas - The Musical", which is being put on by Arts Club Vancouver at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage, and the second being "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels - The Musical" being put on by the Vancouver Playhouse Theatre. Sound familiar? Yep, both musicals are based on movies. Now which show should you see? The second one. HANDS DOWN, DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS is the better show. Why? White Christmas may be all festive and fuzzy-wuzzy, but the low budget sets and sometimes sloppy dance sequences are too hard to ignore amongst all the feel good, tug-at-your-heartstrings schmaltz that White Christmas dishes out. And I couldn't get over how BAD one of the sisters looked in that busted-ass blonde wig they put her in... they made her look Joan Rivers old. Ugh, hideous! Now Scoundrels on the other hand, FANTASTIC choreography, great sets and production value (for such a small stage), and the casting was great! And many LOL moments, I was in tears laughing. And Elena Juatco is a real theatre dynamo... gurl can SING! I hear White Christmas is sold out, but that works out in your favour. Go see Scoundrels. Your money will be better spent.

And yep, the corporate dictatorship known as VANOC finally sent me my much coveted Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympic tickets. WOOT!!! The total price for the privelege to witness this event? Around $3000. OUCH. No wonder why I'm broke. But yeah, after almost a YEAR after I placed my initial ticket request and my Visa card being RAPED by their exorbitant ticket prices, I finally have those tickets in my hands. It may have cost me a pretty penny, but the bragging rights are PRICELESS! Opening Ceremony, Women's and Men's hockey, Men's and Women's Free Skate Figure Skating... wish you were there, huh, smutlings! Yeah, don't try to hide that seething envy behind your faux-disdain for the Olympics... we KNOW you secretly lust for the chance to sit in one of those expen$ive seats sporting Olympic mascot-branded panties and those f*cking Vancouver 2010 red mittens on your famewhore-grubbing paws... ADMIT IT: YOU F*CKING LOVE THE GAMES. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

So before I sign off, I just wanna wish all my smutlings much love during this holiday season. Muchos besos!

MasterJay

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