Tuesday, November 24, 2009

TwiNANZA + GaGa + Glambert kiss + the fall of Jon & Kate = SMUT AWESOMENESS!!!


Hey hey, smutlings! I am SOOOO glad to be blogging again... and there's so much to blog about! WHERE TO BEGIN?!?! Okay, let's go with the Twicrazies!

Okay, so tweenage obsessions reigned supreme at the box office, with The Twilight Saga: New Moon raking in $72.7 MILLION in it's first day! THAT'S VAMPIRE BATSHIT CRAZY!!! Yes, The Twilight Saga: New Moon has set records and has firmly championed its way to conquer the hearts and wallets of the tween generation. Better cough up some more pocket money for your kids, all you parents out there. Heck, just write out a cheque to Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson while you're at it!

Well, being the smuthounds we are, we partook in the TwiNANZA festivities by attending a 10pm screening of the movie on November 19 (aka. all TwiNANZA-eve) amidst all the raging Twihards and TwiMoms. Now what did I think of the movie? Well, it was LOLtastic! Lots of cheesy moments to keep you laughing and snickering in delight throughout this 2hr+ fromagefest. Watching it made me wonder why soooo many people (ie. tweenage girls) around the world fell in love with this four-part saga o'schmaltz from the house of Meyer (author Stephenie Meyer, for those of you who have been living in isolation and don't know what this whole Twilight thing is about). In New Moon, KStew and RPatz have firmly solidified themselves as the Queen 'n King o' Doucheface. Yep, they serve up oodles of douchey pouts, and spout the Scripture according to Meyer with acting that seems to mimic nauseous seizures. The CGI, although a step up from the previous movie, still often falls into shiteousness, erupting in a battle that I like to call The Vampire Matrix.... I was totally waiting for Keanu to show up wearing fangs and saying "whoa". Now that would've been amazing!

But before you send me torrents of hatemail and start stalking me, Twihards (and I KNOW you will), I did enjoy the movie. GOT THAT, TWIHARDS? I ENJOYED IT! (Please don't hurt me...)Why? Two words; one name. Taylor Lautner. Yes, although his abs and ripped physique made the entire audience gasp in squeals of delight, his acting was actually impressive. Hands down, he solely carried this film. He converted me to Team Jacob, since KStew and RPatz kept sliding down into douchedom. Also, I enjoyed the Volturi, the family of Italian vampires, and I wanted more from Dakota Fanning, who was perfectly cast as the Volturi coven-member Jane. I can't wait to see more of her in the upcoming Twifilms. And the whole mishmash of KStew/RPatz douchebagness + cheesy story + tween obsession = ENTERTAINING!

Now onto the GaGa. Yep, all you Lady GaGa fans can rejoice! The reigning pop princess has bestowed her loyal minions with a new "mini-album" of 8 brand new tracks called "THE FAME MONSTER". Now I wish she had just released a full album, but I can't complain. The new tracks are AMAZING. ALL. OF. THEM. And it's cheap! Only $7.99 for these 8 songs on iTunes. Or if you haven't bought her previous album, The Fame, you can buy the dual disc which repackages the first album with the new songs, for about 15 bucks. Not bad for a good dose of GaGa. Can't wait to see her live when she hits Vancouver in December...

And speaking of live shows, did y'all check out Adam Lambert performing his new single "For Your Entertainment" on the American Music Awards last night? Not only did he gyrate with leather clad singers, both male and female, and simulated getting a blowjob acts of oral sex, he made out with his twinky keyboardist WHO'S A DUDE! ALL IN THE SAME PERFORMANCE! YES!!! THE GLAMBERT IS QUEER, AND HE DOESN'T GIVE A FLYING F*CK ABOUT WHAT MIDDLE AMERICA THINKS! Now his vocal performance wasn't up to snuff, but the SHOW that he gave, folks, is why he was BIGGER than any stinking American Idol crown. Now, the ACTUAL winner of Idol 2009, Kris Allen (or should I say "Kris who?"), released his album this week... now does anyone care?!? ADAM LAMBERT IS BIGGER NEWS. Kris can fade into Idol obscurity along with Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard among others...

And TLC finally aired the LAST episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. FINALLY, THIS TRAVESTY OF FAMEWHOREDOM HAS ENDED. Now we can only hope that these two famedouches disappear from the public eye, but something tells me they'll be around for some time... ugh.

Well, that was a mouthful, smut-bebehs! Enjoy the smuttiness that the holiday season brings! :)


  1. Adam Lambert is a great entertainer, say what you will, he kept everyone glued to the screen during his performance. ABC didn't even get 2000 complaints about it, big deal! And THEN they go and cancel his interview on the morning show? Stupid!

  2. welcome back finally! geezus!
    I personally thought it was a pretty hot performance.