Thursday, June 25, 2009

Transformers 2 = hot MESS


Hey hey, my fellow smut addicts! I'm back to give my thoughts about the new Transformers movie, entitled Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Yep, I saw it last night, and my verdict?...


Not good. At All.


Actually, it was bad. No, I correct myself - it REEKED. It stunk worse than a 14-yr old boy's sweaty armits sans deodorant. Peeeeee Uuuuuu!

Here is why the movie was crap. Hmm... let's start with the plot. Um, was there a plot? The whole time I was watching this visual atrocity, I wondered if Michael Bay and Co. were just making shit up as they went along, and then just cut and pasted things together and pumped that shit out a week ago. And the movie is TOO LONG! Cut that shit down! And why did the "epic battle scene" have to happen in the desert? Again?! WE HAD A DESERT BATTLE SCENE IN THE FIRST TRANSFORMERS MOVIE! We know times are tough, but you don't need to recycle sets, Michael Bay.

The characters? Completely pointless. Except for Shia's character, the characters served no point in advancing the story, nor did we ever care for them. Megan Fox? All she did was shake her jubblies and peddled her ass to draw in the masses of horny nerdboys to see this movie. Shia's parents? They were funny at times, but ANNOYING as hell. So was his college roomie! Ugh. And that Sector 7 dude comes back. Totally not necessary. Even Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson's characters as stock military dudes were pointless. Groans all around.

And the Transformers themselves? Don't get me wrong. The special effects were cool, but it was like Michael Bay took the franchise and raped it, leaving it to die in a gutter somewhere. They totally did NOT honour the original series, and the modern takes on some of the most beloved robots were epic failures. When did the Constructicons have a suction power? Why is Soundwave a spy satellite? We liked him better as a tape recorder. Ugh. And Optimus Prime was such a tool. And what was up with all the tiny robots? TOO MANY! We don't GIVE A FLYING F*CK about those insignificant pieces of crap. Focus on some main robots, and introduce them in a logical, yet meaningful way.
And those two twin robots... kinda racist, IMHO... I smell controversy...

And why was the menacing, evil baddie called "THE FALLEN"?!?! WHAT A F*CKING LAME-ASS NAME! They could've taken one of several HUNDRED awesome Transformer baddies and used that. But no. Michael Bay F*CKS us up the nostrils and leaves us to die bleeding on the street....

They should've called this movie "Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen SCREENWRITERS". It was like those writers were punishing us all for the many months off of work they endured during the recent Hollywood screenwriter strike. And now they're having the last laugh, reaping all the money from us suckers who payed for this shit. Karma is a bitch...

And there ya go. I could go on, but this movie is shiteous beyond words. But no matter what I say, y'all are gonna flock to see this pile of drivel. And don't cry to me if you're sitting in the theatre wondering why you even PAID to see this crap, yet alone bothered to get off your ass to go see it. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

2 comments:

  1. woah. absolutely no love for Michael Bay here. . .none at all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have no idea what you are talking about MR!

    Robots are cool. I thought you of all people would appreciate this work of art.

    :P

    -as

    ReplyDelete